All the events below are a true account of what really happened at the recent event that Lawpoint helped sponsor – honest.


Meetdraw                      Choir


Various agencies were inundated with emergency calls when a mob descended on the new Hilton Hotel in Bournemouth for Meetdraw’s epic Christmas shindig on 10 December. Members of the public, who witnessed the boisterous revellers, thought that it was an impromptu flashmob and their reports of the disruption brought telephone systems and social media platforms to a standstill.


Reading directly from a badly written statement, a spokesperson said, “Meetdraw is a network of digital animals. We talk a lot about our collective passions and, with the support of our friends in the brewing industry, we manage to relax, get creative and come up with lots of great ideas to boost the Dorset economy. We are an inspired lot and our herd is growing fast.”


Police leave cancelled

The annual Meetdraw Christmas event was creatively called ‘The Annual Meetdraw Christmas Event’ and was attended by around 180 merry members of the herd, together with some wannabees and a few stalkers. A spokesperson for the Police said, “We weren’t invited to this event so we were naturally suspicious. The amount of calls we got resulted in all leave being cancelled and we were made to stand-by in riot gear.”
It was the warmest December for more than a hundred years but the organisers managed to introduce some adverse weather conditions by bringing in a snow machine. “We wanted to create a Christmassy feel,” said another Meetdraw member stating the obvious, “and we were determined that Santa, and anyone dumb enough to come on a sleigh, would make it to the venue.” However, the Highways Agency wasn’t pleased and the guy sent to comment on their behalf said, “We can’t be sure if the snow is real or fake but we have to respond to all emergency calls, so we have a fleet of gritting lorries lined up at the end of the street.”
With a choir singing a medley of Christmas Carols, ticket holders who made it through the machine-generated blizzard and snow drifts were rewarded with a combination of Bucks Fizz and hard liquor, which got things off to a rousing start and set the scene for the rest of the evening.


Sponsors’ disapproval

The sponsors of the event, who must be named for legal reasons, included Lawpoint, Rubicon Recruitment, Lumiserv, Streetwise HR and Smart Accountancy Systems, all tended to distance themselves from anything untoward, though a business insider did agree to make this off-the-record statement, “They were wearing badged Santa hats with their logos emblazoned on them. If it wasn’t for these sponsors, the event wouldn’t have gone ahead and the number of arrests would have been down on last year.” But a spokesperson for the sponsors, said, “If this so-called ‘business insider’ had some sort of contract in place, sponsors might take her seriously. She’ll be hearing from us!”
After an hour of meeting fellow ‘digital animals’ and consuming free alcohol, the guests were ushered to their tables where they enjoyed a magnificent three-course meal accompanied by more drinks, all headed up by the MC, Matt Desmier. “I’m sure I’m speaking on behalf of everyone,” said one guest in a beautifully sequined evening dress, “when I say that the food and Christmas crackers were great.” The crackers contained socks with the Meetdraw logo. They were for paying guests only but are now available on Ebay for upwards of £500 a pair.


Tweets, Pics and Dancing

The meal eventually ended and the real party began immediately and in earnest. With many distractions, it was a night to remember, or not to remember depending on consumption levels.
One highlight was a Twitter Wall that allowed guests’ tweets to be shared instantly. Even those who couldn’t afford a ticket for the event could tweet their opinions into the venue, though these were generally ignored. One drunken party animal said, “Our tweets have been retweeted more than two billion times,” she exaggerated.
A photo booth was also available to anyone who wanted to take embarrassing photos of themselves and their friends and post them online. “If it wasn’t for the queue, I would have been able to get my photo taken. I had to make do with a selfie, which was out of focus. It was a complete disaster.” said one guest who claimed to be a professional digital photographer.
Another guest commented, “As the evening wore on, we talked, drank, nibbled, tweeted, drank and took selfies by the thousand while we danced to a seventeen-piece swing band who called themselves Swing Unlimited Big Band, which just about sums them up. They were amazing!”


Prizes and Winners

In the months prior to the Annual Meetdraw Christmas Event, a competition was organised, known as Meatydraw. The aim was to provide an opportunity for guests to offload some of their unwanted Christmas gifts from last year as prizes.
Three spectacular prizes were up for grabs, along with the discarded Christmas presents from 2014, but entrants had to do pretty well in the competition if they wanted these top awards:
1. A trip to Milan, capital city of Italy’s Lombardy region. A UNESCO World Heritage Site attracting over 8 million visitors annually, don’t expect to stand out in the crowd.
2. Tickets to see the band, Rudimental, at the O2 arena, including a boat trip to the venue to help eradicate the spiralling costs of a London taxi.
3. A Go Pro helmet cam, as worn by uninsured cyclists who need damning evidence against innocent drivers.
Congratulations to all the jammy winners, who were Jessica Nash, Robin Goulding, Caroline Watts, Stan Majerski, Kat Terlecka, Matthew Morgan, Tom Goldsworthy, Dominque Fish, Jamie Derrick, Jonathan Ginn, Emily Parsons and Jaya da Costa. Unfortunately, no one is sure who won which prize, so twelve lucky people could soon be walking the streets of Milan.


Drawing to a close

As the Thursday evening turned slowly into the early hours of Friday morning, some guests began to leave, while others got their second wind. Others still were left to lie where they’d fallen and yet more were helped in their quest to summon taxis, chauffeur-driven limousines or ambulances. The gritters returned to their depot and the police showed their gratitude for the extra overtime.
A Meetdraw representative reminded everyone that all 180 tickets had sold out within four working days, while the sponsors’ spokesperson said, “We’re trying to encourage Meetdraw to have a three-day event for Christmas 2016.”